I Want Him By Force (Written by Ife Grace Dada)
You are a sister. For three consecutive weeks in September, you led the praise and worship in church.
Yes you can sing. Everybody knows that. You have such sonorous voice that leaves the congregation charged.
During the rehearsal on the first Wednesday in October, the choir director chose two other members of the praise team to lead the praise and worship session for a special youth conference due the following week.
Usually, it wouldn’t have bothered you, since the beginning of the year, you’ve led at least a session of the worship in all the special programs in church. You understand that others should be given the opportunity to minister.
Well, this particular one got to you. You wanted to lead the praise team bad bad. The moment the Choir director picked those two members of the choir, you became frustrated.
No way! You had to lead the praise team for this conference! Even if they decide not to give you another opportunity, you were fine as long as you got this one.
On your way home from the rehearsal that day, you were quiet. Your friends asked what the problem was, you said you were fine. The truth is, you weren’t. Your thoughts ran in different directions.
When the Youth Pastor during the steward’s meeting announced the name of the guest speaker for the one day special Youth Conference, your heart had leaped with joy. The guest speaker was a brother you’d been dying to see.
Every night since the announcement, you’d stared at his pictures on your phone gallery. You had imagined standing on the podium, singing with all the energy you could exude.
You had plans. Your visit to the beauty shop to get a facial scrub, the foundation your friend recommended, the hairstyle you already told your hair stylist you’d make, the heels you ordered online.
And now the Choir master wanted to spoil your show? No way. That won’t happen. No Choir Director will put sand in your garri.
The d-day came. You did the most ridiculous thing ever.
The first praise and worship session went smoothly. You didn’t interfere. It was hard for you to stay calm though, as your heart kept pounding and your eyes frequently went to the main door.
During the panel session, the guest speaker arrived. Your heart stopped and then it started to beat very fast.
Talk about Pastor Gbenga. Talk about a dark young man who walked confidently into your church dressed in a fine grey Atiku that fitted his body perfectly.
Talk about a brother passionate about ministry even though he has a thriving business in Lagos.
Talk about a brother whose words could make you sigh hundred times in one service because of the weight contained therein.
Talk about a single brother. Who treated you along with some of the choir members with so much care on a certain evening on your way back from a ministerial trip. Your bus had broken down few meters from where he lived.
Talk about a brother who flows seemlessly in the things of the Spirit.
This fateful day, when he walked to the front followed by your Pastor and the protocol team, the praise team filed to the podium. You stood up quickly and joined them. You hurried to the front stage and took the microphone.
The Choir Director stared at you, confusion mixed with surprise. The other members of the praise team looked from one person to the other.
What is this sister doing? They seemed to ask themselves. What is wrong with her?
As the instrumentalists began to play, the Choir Director came close to you and whispered in your ears.
‘Get off the stage right now.’
You smiled and nodded like he had just said, ‘Give them the best you have!’
You moved away from him and faced the congregation. The Choir Director returned to his seat, unhappy.
You threw the congregation into a great time of worship. Yeah, it was wonderful. Such energy. Such passion. Even the Guest minister seemed impressed. Of course your eyes were constantly returning to him. You wanted to see his reactions and all. It was for him you stood on that podium and not to bless the people of God.
The congregation seemed to have a beautiful time. They were not surprised anyway. There is no dull moment with you. When you finished, you stepped down and one look at your Choir Director, you knew you were in trouble.
‘You are hereby suspended from the choir until further notice.’ The Choir Director said, after scolding you in front of the other members.
Your friends in the choir can’t understand why you made that move. Your closest friend, Bunmi understood.
When you got home with eyes swollen from much crying, she looked at you and said;
‘How did you get this far? I’ve been telling you about your obsession for Pastor Gbenga but you keep telling me you heard God speak to you about him. Does God’s will come with such rebellious attitude?’
You look away from your friend, as tears roll down your eyes.
‘Fine, I went overboard. I just thought by putting myself out there, God would just speak to his heart and get him to make a move. I am tired, Bunmi. How long am I supposed to keep waiting for him. Besides, I was not sure I’d have an opportunity soon to see him again within a close range like that.’
Bunmi shook her head. ‘I saw something this evening. Whether or not you heard God, at least you will finally leave this brother alone.’
Bunmi brought out her phone and showed you three pictures that almost tore your heart apart.
The pre-wedding pictures of Bro Gbenga and a lady you’ve never seen before. There was also a wedding invite due to hold in a month’s time.
You stare at the pictures for a long time, tears trickling down your face.
And now you say you are depressed and that God has disappointed you.
- Calm down. If you don’t, the flesh will embarrass you. You’ll find yourself doing things that are out of line and character.
God’s will never supports rebellion. Before you get to the point where the ‘blocks’ of the flesh pile up in your mind and form a strong wall, make a practice to present your emotions to the Lord. Get into the word and silence every anxiety and fear.
We have a good Father, and we are loved by Him. We can trust that he has the best for us.
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God bless you.